Interplanetary rag-and-bone man Iorgi Murrett is fed up. His business is failing. His money is running out. His equipment keeps breaking down. He’s about ready to pack it all in and become a shill for the Company, though he has it on record that he’d rather be on fire.
Then, while trying to dig up some extra cash on his fifteenth random junk planet, he uncovers the hatch to an ancient battleship buried in the sand. Forced to take refuge within its armored walls, and trapped inside as its defense mechanisms come online, Murrett finds himself the proud owner of the five hundred year old Battleship Apocalypse, a “Planet-Buster” class vessel in a severe state of disrepair, yet carrying with it a sophisticated defensive grid topped with a variety of experimental weapons that most of the petty Empires in the Galaxy would sell their heirs to possess.
Now Murrett is on the run across space in a ship held together with duct tape and hope. Joining him are a shrill and demanding princess who fancies herself a freedom-fighter, a mining robot possessed by a vacuous alien, a one-armed smuggler, and an accountant who happened to answer Murrett’s want-ad.
In pursuit? A team of pirates flying ice-cream trucks, led by a delusional Admiral; the armies of the Eliak, who are, one supposes, the rightful owners if you really wanted to be picky about it; the Charter’s mysterious and shadowy Agency; and the Company, who really, really, really want their twenty percent.
The Galaxy doesn’t stand a chance.